Featured Poet - Ashtyn Salazar

I WOULD HAVE PROTECTED HER

I would have protected her,

that innocent little girl;

I would have shielded her,

from this cruel, cruel world.

I would have scooped her up,

and held her in my arms;

I would have held on tight,

to keep her from harm.

Anytime she needed,

I would have been there;

To ease her fears,

and provide tender loving care.

I would have let her be herself,

funny, sweet, smiley;

I would have let her be a kid,

unbothered and carefree. 

I would have protected her,

that little girl, you see;

I would have protected her,

because she was me.

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME

‘There’s no place like home’

a cliché used ‘round the world

One that’s most well-known.

A cliché meant to

represent the refuge of

Someone’s house, or coop

Positivity

was the intent for this quote,

To relate wholly

Relate to, I may -

though, contrarily to norm -

This well-known cliché

Childhood home(s) unsafe

from the recurring trauma;

I, merely naïf.

God-deemed protectors,

not well-suited for the job,

As grief subjectors.

Taking advantage

of a naïve girl, causing

Permanent damage.

Look at her future

of childhood trauma repairs,

With grownup sutures. 

Constant questioning

about the “why’s” of it all,

Absurd reasoning.

Irrational fears

of more suppressed memories,

Emerging through years.

Possible healing?

I’m not so sure about that,

Trauma’s lingering. 

To think, this started

when I was just a young girl,

Nary departed.

So yes, certainly,

there is no place like those homes

For me, thankfully.

PAIN IS

Pain is intricate.

A whirlwind of emotion

spiraling from the depths of the heart;

Difficult to contain at times, 

but even more difficult to release.

And, yet, such pain presents as a mere liquid form - 

slowly gliding down one’s cheek.

How can such a sensation appear with such simplicity? 

Simple: Pain is profound.

The depths one tear can hold 

is far greater than that of the deepest ocean; 

a single tear masks a tsunami of feelings chaotically moving about within one’s being.

And, yet, one could say a tear

is not enough to express such fervent sentiments.

Why mask these affections at all? 

Simple: Pain is dangerous.

Dissecting one’s tear 

is taking a nose dive into their deep-rooted, inner battles; 

a task not to be taken lightly - 

or even taken at all without proper armor. 

And, yet, many guard their pain with every ounce of strength they can muster.

Why guard what is meant to be released?

Simple: Pain is scary.

Allowing vulnerability to take hold

is easier abstained from than not; 

especially when pain 

is a significant attribute to one’s nature.

And, yet, it seems as though extricating the hurt would bring some relief.

So, why is grasping so firmly to something seemingly negative a custom for many?

Simple: Pain is also positive.

Pain is an indication

that a person can feel; 

it is difficult to know the apex of pleasure

without knowing the depths of pain.

BAGGAGE

Your life is ... chaotic ...

Working full time,

Being a mom,

Being a wife …

You’re always on the move.

Until one day,

You’re world just stops;

Frozen in place …

And then it sets in … the trauma.

You don’t know how to react -

Do I run? Can I run?

Or do I freeze?

Suddenly, you feel so alone.

Am I imagining it?

Can everyone tell??

Why did it show up now???

You find yourself unable to move, or breathe...

Your world is frozen in time -

Frozen in the past -

Of when it first occurred.

But, the real world keeps spinning…

Everyone is going on about their everyday lives,

The sun still rises and sets,

All while you are suffocating.

You can’t just shut your life off…

Your job needs you,

Your husband needs you,

Your family…needs you.

So, you have to pretend.

You pretend you’re okay -

Putting on a believable façade -

As you try to continue your life like normal.

But…you’re not okay, not in the slightest…

Beneath the surface, you’re spiralling;

Beneath the surface, you’re questioning your sanity;

Beneath the surface, you’re breaking.

The being that was once whole is shattering into pieces, leaving only an abyss…

A void…..that can never be filled,

Only repaired,

But even repairs don’t last forever.

This is your new normal…

You must continue being a mom,

a wife, an employee, a daughter, a sister -

All while dragging a suitcase that weighs more than life, itself.

If only they knew the baggage that you carry, then maybe life wouldn’t be so cruel…

BROKEN TIES

Family ignites unconditional love,

And in the same way, ignites pain.

The relationships you would cling to,

Are the same ones you mourn.

The connections you thought you’d have forever,

Are, now, just out of reach. 

Some, are the result 

of unfortunate circumstances;

While others, are the result 

of drawn boundaries.

No matter the cause,

It hurts, just the same

There are the ones like diamonds -

Growing in beauty within the pressure.

And then there are those mirroring a fallen leaf -

One gust of wind whisks it away.

You never imagined your life without certain relationships,

So now, you’re stuck trying to fill those voids.

Even though you know

That those holes can never be filled.

Family ignites unconditional love,

And in the same way, ignites pain.

MY BIGGEST BULLY

Why are you still here?

Didn’t I beg you to leave?

You house all of my fears -

Many too dark to believe.

Mentally, I’m unstable,

And physically, I’m ill;

You bring no good to the table,

And leave many a void to fill.

Why do you bring me down?

What have I done to you?

You get pleasure from my frown,

And you’re satisfied when I’m blue.

I’ve suffered throughout this year,

So many tears I have cried;

Fighting desires to not be here,

As hard as I could have tried.

I have not given up fully,

But you have me in a bind;

You are my biggest bully,

You are ... .my own mind.