"Hi my name is Sindy and I’m 23 years-old suffering with my mental health. First of all I want to give a virtual hug to all the people that are going to read my journey, and if you or one of your loved ones are struggling with their mental health too.

It’s been years. So many years of feeling very low, depressed, and suicidal. I always had an underlying sense of loneliness and sadness, which then developed into more serious bouts of depression, and hit rock-bottoms.

I never really had anyone to talk to, not even a parent - as they were emotionally unavailable, so I was seeking attention in school where, as in result, I would be punished and nearly expelled.

My whole teenage years are a blur, until I got sexually assaulted by a older female friend of mine. Note that I added female - because people don’t realise the severity, or don’t realise how bad it can get, to actually be called raped.

She would groom me and take me under her wing. I felt happy for once! But I didn’t realise the damage that it had caused ... and is still causing.

It was an awfully lonely and isolating year in that relationship, until I got help to support me out of it. But it was really hard. At that point my suicidal thoughts were out of hand. But I was silent. I started self harming, turning to alcohol and drugs. I was in too much pain, and I couldn’t handle life any longer. Each day would be more painful. I was in such a deep dark place, and I had tried attempting to end my life a couple of times. At that point I was trying all sorts of trauma therapy and medications to see how I could get out from this mess.

But you see I’m still here ... so I guess I have a bigger purpose in this world.

Take it from me, there is hope. With patience I’m getting there ... to a life I  wished for, but never dreamt I'd get.

Every day I'd wake up and say: “God, just make me happy,” Over and over, every day. I’ve done a lot of work too, through finding the right medications, right therapy, and right tools. It’s a process. I started yoga, mediation, writing, drawing, singing, walking in nature, animals, and music - I learnt to start a new journey. A journey of hope. A journey of trying. I was committed to giving it my best! And when I fell, I got right back up. I let myself feel my pain, process it and then move on. Mainly, I learnt what makes me happy, and I do it. 

My advice to you guys with mental health problems would be to never give up, even on the hardest day! I know it may seem cliché, but you are loved. And you matter. Also I would like to suggest that writing might help. I helped me a lot in my journey, even if it's not a poem or perfect, just scribble down words, describe how you feel. It really does help when you put words to paper."

Best wishes and good luck on your journey. Keep strong and I’m rooting for you! If you ever want to reach out you can here:

Sheindystern16@gmail.com