Featured Poet - Alexander A. Henning
PAINTED IN SIN
Your warmth once safe, a shelter where
I found solace beneath your wing
Blind to your daggers, laced with love
Deaf, as I heard the warnings sing
A liar with a silver tongue
A thief with hands too soft to track
Kind hearts like mine are never held
Only abandoned and thrown back
I did not know I'd lose myself
In the web of lies you would spin
You painted me in shades of you
But held the sinful ones within
In still silence, during your rage
Shaking scared at the sight of you
A puppet stitched with fraying threads
Faking smiles to hide the truth
Your guilt-tripping and blame-shifting
Ripped me apart, leaving me cracked
Help me heal the cuts you made, Please
itch the knives you put in my back
Your gas-lit voice, inside my mind
Twisted the truth, led me astray
Our pictures show, a face unknown
To you, "love" just means-to betray
You usurped all my tears, While I
was emotionally impaired
I've learned what we had was not real
That the hands I held never cared
Yet, still I thought that you would fix
The parts of me which you had torn
My heart, like glass, now shards and dust
Left shattered, bleeding on the floor
Your presence was an artist's brush
Staining my soul with muted hues
But now your colors fade away
As cooler ones expose the truth
My heart no more, bound by her flame
I deserve more than just misuse
The façade of warmth, I now see
Masked her emotional abuse
THROUGH THE EYES OF A CRITIC
You speak in ways that tear me down
Sever the threads of my self-esteem
You highlight every flaw of mine
And show me all I'll never be
My body is your battlefield
Where self-consciousness runs deep
You tell me I'm no more than scars
That I am nothing underneath
You say that hunger purifies
That self-disgust will keep me safe
You remind me of abandonment
That I'll be left without a trace
A shadow formed from cold, cruel words
A phantom carved from hate and rage
Your voice says joy has passed me by
It won't give me the light of day
You claim my shattered heart is just
A mistake love will never touch
Yet, it's absence is the sharpest blade
One I've been cut by far too much
I only wish to make you proud
Though, all you do is watch me drown
Berate me at my lowest points
And laugh at me when breaking down
I wish you'd leave, just leave me be
A shadow tethered to my soul
Dumping salt into my deepest wounds
Reminding me I'll never be whole
I'm sure you'd view my suicide
As a twisted, sickening joke
You'd tear asunder, my last words:
"You're not worth the ink for that note"
Your words cut deep, empoisoned steel
Their venom coursing through my veins
I beg for silence, beg for peace
But you're the one who bears my pain
Staring back at me in mirrors
I see the pain that's in your eyes
The voice that haunts me is my own
I have nowhere to run or hide
ACROSTIC CRIES FOR HELP
Paint my empty walls with lies
Lie, and say I'll be okay
Ease the tears within my eyes
As you promise me you'll stay
Say, "Before sunrise, it must rain"
Echo false hope and hollow vows
Swear that you will end my pain
Although no one can fix me now
Vanish when I need you most
Exploit and manipulate me
Make me want to overdose
Everyone says they care, then leaves
AN ANGEL AND AN AMBULANCE
Tires sing a symphony, As
I release my life, and the wheel
My world rolls twice, then fades to black
I'm sung to sleep by twisted steel
A hollow cage of fractured ribs
With something trapped down deep inside
A baby bird with tattered wings
Still hoping one day it might fly
Bright red burns, engulfing the night
Fading out, as I come to see
Flashing lights, though the sirens sound
Like violins in minor key
Cold metal kisses my warm skin
Locked in a twisted, sick ballet
Like lovers in their final dance
Before I'm saved and swept-away
The oxygen I'm forced to breathe
Like poison wrapped in mercy's guise
It fills two lungs I wished to drown
And taunts the tears within my eyes
The IV drips, like rain in Spring
As each drop courses through my veins
Like black ink to a clean white page
A story authored by my pain
Nurses rush, as I look and see
The shades my crimson composes
A trail of blood so beautiful
It reminds me of red roses
An angel's glow cuts through the haze
As he kneels down next to my bed
A voice so soft, yet full of weight
"Child, why wish that you were dead?"
"I've wondered lost, through endless nights
I've not learned to dance in the rain,
All I want is a way to find
Happiness, and still numb my pain"
"Though you're lost, lonely, and afraid
You're worth more than you'll ever know
As every tear you've ever wept
Paved the road which will bring you home"
ABOUT THE POEMS
"To me, these poems are my interpretations of the suffering I've endured—fragments of pain I've woven into something the world would call 'art'. They tell tales of some of the darkest moments of my life; the bleeding of invisible wounds, the emptiness when I lost my sense of self, and the unspeakable pain of heartbreak when all I wanted was to feel loved and be held. They represent my hope, that one day, I will heal. I poured my heart into creating something beautiful from the pain that inspired these poems, to show others that even in darkness, there is still good to be found. I hope they serve as the metaphorical angel that tells a broken soul, 'You're worth more than you'll ever know.'
"To those suffering in silence, standing on the edge, or shuddering in shadows no one else sees—I see you, I hear you, and I understand you. These four poems are dedicated to you."
ABOUT ALEXANDER
Alexander is a poet who turns his pain into poetry, something that speaks for his feelings when words fall short. He writes not only to numb his deepest wounds, but as a way to heal them, and hopes that his work can do the same for those who read it. To him, poetry is more than the best words written in their best order, it is something that provides him a sense of peace, and solace—a place where silence is given a voice, and suffering is given meaning. It is the language of the lost, and a tool to carve beauty from the shadows. His stanzas are kindled from his battles with mental health and addiction; the sleepless nights, tears cried, and feelings of never being enough. Through his poetry, he does not shy away from suffering; but embraces it, seeking to create beauty out of pieces that feel shattered beyond repair.
E: alexhenningpoetry@yahoo.com (comments and feedback from readers welcomed)
