My sister has struggled with alcoholism for a long time. She denied having any problem with alcohol, even though she had multiple DWI’s and had been in treatment programs. My sister’s illness has always made it difficult for us to have a close relationship. She has always been unpredictable when she drinks, and her feelings tend to get heightened and out of control. I have lived with my sister and mother - who is physically disabled - and the dynamic between the three of us was always particularly difficult when my sister had been drinking.

One night, I was trying to get some rest before going to an overnight shift at my own job. When my sister got home from work she was clearly drunk and not in her right mind. She had her radio up much too loud. My mother tried reasoning with her; she asked my sister repeatedly to turn down the radio, and tried to get her to settle down. As my mom spoke to her, I tried to intervene because I was concerned that with my mother’s condition she would get hurt. 

My sister refused to turn off the radio and continued her sloppy, drunk ways. I tried to talk to her, but she refused to listen, and before I knew what was happening, I was stuck in a corner being hit in the face and on my head by her hand. It happened so fast, I was blindsided. She hit me on the right side of my face and she hit my eye. I had never been hit in the face before. The impact of the blow jerked my head back painfully. It felt like she punched all the way through my face to the other side. I yelled, “My eye,my eye!”. Then she just stopped hitting and walked away as if nothing was wrong. I got away, and ran to the bathroom to look at my face. I could not believe the damage my sister had done. I never thought she would do that to me. 

I applied ice and knew I had to call the police. From working in the mental health field, I have learned; if reports and proper documentation are not completed, it is as if incidents never happened. I knew I had to call the police and make a report as I had feared my health was in danger. The police officer made a report of the abuse my sister had just done to me. I noticed my sister's arm was deformed; it appeared that a piece of her bone had shifted. She yelled out that it was her dominant arm and was concerned how she would continue her work as a phlebotomist. The police officer stated she was the aggressor, and that indeed, her arm was not normal. The cops asked her if she wanted to go to the hospital. She said no, and the policemen left.

I didn’t know the seriousness of my injuries at the time, so I reported to work that night. Later on in the night my eye became increasingly swollen and I had to be taken to the emergency room. Within the next two days I had to receive reconstructive surgery on my face. I have never felt so betrayed. My own sister hurt me in a way I never thought possible. As the doctor’s examined my eye and told me about bones missing and being broken in my face, I feared losing my sight or, even losing my eye and having permanent damage. How could she have done this to me? What if she would have killed me? 

At that moment I felt I lost my sister. There was no turning back from the physical and emotional damage that had been done. Her actions caused us to lose any relationship we may have had. Though this loss is different than the typical loss and grieving process, I had to grieve the relationship I hoped to have with my sister. It is a unique loss to know a family member is alive but grieve the love and relationship you once had because you know the person you love does not exist anymore. My sister’s alcoholism took away the sister I once knew, and I have grieved for her ever since. 

My sister showed up at the hospital the day after my surgery to see me. When her daughter told her what had happened, she appeared to not remember anything that she had done. She came into my room and startled me. When I saw her face my first thought was that she was there to finish the job and hurt me again. She apologized, but this wasn’t something I could forgive; I had just gotten plastic surgery on my face because of her and her drinking. There were no words she could say to make this better. 

This experience with my sister was particularly traumatic for me. I have been diagnosed with PTSD after my active duty in Iraq. Due to my PTSD, I have always been fearful of being jumped or mugged. I used to walk the streets of the city fearing someone would attack me. When I was home, these fears would usually subside, but this attack from my sister made home no longer feel like a safe place. It was a real shock to have survived two tours in Iraq and the initial invasion of the war, but yet receive a beating in my own dining room, by my own sister. 

After the assault I started experiencing flashbacks and nightmares; fearing she would come after me again. I felt myself becoming more jumpy and easily startled at the slightest noises. Not only was my fear provoked and senses heightened, but all the trauma and danger I experienced in Iraq came flooding back. One traumatic event brings back a lifetime of trauma for someone with PTSD. 

After the incident, I knew I needed help processing my trauma. I first went to my therapist I had been seeing for years and told her about this traumatic incident. She suggested I go to VIBS (Victims Information of Bureau Suffolk), in addition to speak to counselors who specialize in trauma and domestic violence. I followed through with her recommendation and attended VIBS weekly. I met individually with a counselor and she assisted me in processing the trauma and trying to reduce the impact it had on me. 

One of the things I battled with in counseling was whether I should press charges or not. I wanted to press charges so that she could be mandated to anger management and substance use treatment, because I wanted her to get help. I had already gotten an order of protection, and she moved out as a response, but I hoped pressing charges would ultimately help her. I ended up pressing charges and my sister was furious. I knew I had done the right thing in holding her accountable. She was mandated to treatment and I hope it helps her. 

I have always heard stories of domestic violence cases, but experiencing it is a completely different thing. Having someone you love and are supposed to be able to trust betray you and hurt you both physically and mentally is traumatic. It is something you never forget and something you carry with you always. If there is any advice I could give to those in an abusive relationship - no matter if it’s a spouse or family member; ask for help. Isolation allows abuse and trauma to escalate. There are people and organizations ready to help, and you don’t have to go through this alone.

Over the course of being separated from each other, it was probably for the best for us to be apart. She was always employed, but she lived on her own and things did not work out for her according to plan, so she came back home. She still drinks, but not excessively and since she has been back, we have tried to rebuild our relationship. We both have taken small steps working toward that goal. As time has past, we went from barely looking at each other to slowly beginning to talk. Slowly, our relationship has started, but it is not back to normal.