INCOMING

By Carl "Papa" Palmer

daughter pops bubble wrap 

laughs as Daddy dives 

behind the couch

after his tour in Vietnam

THE MONSTER

By Bexy Louise

There’s a monster that lives inside my head,

I wish I could silence her instead.

She haunts my dreams and ignites my fears,

every time she appears I am surrounded by tears.

The tears sting my eyes,

every day I feel I’m getting closer to my demise.

She tells me I’m ugly, that I’m not worthy of love,

whatever I do I won’t ever be good enough.

She mocks my body and points out my flaws,

every day I can feel her claws.

She’s clawing deeper and deeper into my soul,

and I know ending my life is her ultimate goal.

But I won’t let this monster win,

because each day I’m fighting her by learning to love the skin I’m in,

because what she says is far from the truth,

and I have the proof — I know I’m not perfect and I don’t claim to be,

but I’m perfect at being me.

Some days it’s hard to love myself through all this pain,

but beautiful girl, you’ve got to take the sunshine with the rain.

Because after the rain comes a rainbow,

and with that rainbow your heart will reopen and glow.

So keep dancing, please don’t let the dark clouds take away your shine.

Your love is blooming in its own time,

let’s keep fighting every day,

and let our light lead the way.

So next time that monster

tries to darken your mind,

remind yourself to have courage and be kind,

by always giving yourself daily love and affection —

each day we will continue to fight this infection.

*From the collection: 'After the Rain Comes Your Rainbow.'

ABOUT THE POEM: 'The Monster' explores the exhausting reality of living with anxiety and negative self-talk — the voice that tells you you’re not enough. But it is also a poem about resilience, about choosing to fight back and learning to love yourself anyway.

ABOUT BEXY: Bexy is a poet and writer from Birmingham, UK, writing from lived experience of mental health struggles, grief, and the journey toward self-love and healing. Her debut collection, After the Rain Comes Your Rainbow, takes readers from life’s darkest storms through to hope and recovery.

THE THING ABOUT MY OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER

By Rebecca Kay

The thing about my obsessive compulsive disorder,

Is I would spend hours & hours writing everything in order,

The first sign I had was tapping my foot on the floor,

Honestly, I did it so many times, it stopped feeling like a chore,

I also wanted everything to be neat & clean,

That has been my life ever since I was fourteen,

On bad times I felt like I was stuck in a sinkhole,

I just needed to do everything I could to feel in control,

Are the doors locked?

I thought I heard someone knock,

Are the windows shut?

Something just doesn’t feel right in my gut,

Are we safe? Are we safe? Are we safe?

I just wanted to send my OCD to the grave,

I needed to check everything was in an orderly line,

So I could finally rest at night time feeling fine,

Growing up in school with OCD was rough,

I would have to think ahead all the time, which I found really tough,

Being asked by the bus driver “why are you tap dancing?” was embarrassing,

I just wanted to reply “counting to 164 please leave me whilst I am focusing”,

I would return home from school absolutely exhausted,

But knowing all of my compulsions had been completed,

My hands would be raw & my lips would be chapped,

Picking at them would prevent me from feeling trapped,

I was far too nice & walked all over as a teenager,

Could that of been the trigger for my self controlling behaviour?

After moving to University,

I needed everything to go perfectly,

Why was it such a bad thing that I wanted to keep the kitchen clean & dry,

Every time I looked at the overflowing sink or bin I felt like I could cry,

I had to sit on the same seat at dinner,

I had to do this every night to feel an ounce like a winner,

Opening up to my university friends was scary & hard,

I didn’t want them to think that they had to put up their guard,

I didn’t want them to treat me differently after I told them I had OCD,

After all I was the one living with it & wanting to be free,

Accepting I needed support was a huge step in recovery,

My therapist & I worked together to help me with my uncertainty,

I found something was missing and that was a small dose of medication,

That was an immense turning point for me & my health determination,

It was by far the best decision I had ever made,

And I can now live my life & no longer feel afraid,

I am now an OCD ambassador & spreading awareness about this condition,

I feel incredibly proud & grateful I am now able to be in this position,

The thing about my obsessive compulsive disorder,

Is I can finally breathe & not look at life like it is torture.

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