REVIVAL

By: Angie A. 

It’s been raining for three months

I’m not talking about a welcomed shower on a hot summer day

Not the Sunday morning rain that demands reading by the window

I mean the kind of rain that catches you off guard with no umbrella

When the forecast says to expect a drizzle, but in comes a severe thunderstorm

You resist as long as you can

If you can shield yourself with your hands, maybe part of you will stay dry

Maybe you’ll be okay

If you run as fast as your legs will carry you, until you’re breathless and aching and your lungs are on fire, maybe you’ll reach shelter before it’s too late

But the struggle proves futile

The rain quickly soaks your clothes, chills you to the bone

There is no place to seek refuge

It’s the kind of rain people will remember for as long as they live

The new reference point to which all subsequent weather events are compared

“Board up the house. Stockpile supplies. We don’t want a repeat of The Storm of Summer 2026.”

I’m talking about the kind of rain that brings destruction

Roofs torn off, shutters blown away, power lines down, death toll rising

And when you can’t imagine things getting any worse, the ground begins to collapse

A sinkhole caused by weakened soil; a foundation not strong enough to withstand the storm

It rained and it rained and it rained it rained

And meteorologists said it would let up, but it never did

It stopped for a few minutes, then resumed

It stopped for a few hours, and rejoicing ensued, then it came down harder than before

The forecasters said, “Hang in there. The storm has almost passed. Things seem to be clearing up. But… you have to step outside.”

When you looked outside, you saw nothing but rain and darkness and wreckage

What do they mean step outside? That’s a suicide mission

But the house in which you sought shelter was being swallowed up

It’s not safe inside either

With one last act of desperation, you released the frame you’d been clinging to, closed your eyes, and took the step

You wanted to trust the experts more than anything, but you did not expect to survive

You just decided that if you were going to succumb regardless, is it not better to go out braving the storm than being consumed by the earth?

As the rain shocked your senses, you realized you were still alive

Drenched, hurting, unable to see

Lost, despondent, unable to breathe

But alive

And as that realization dawned, the rain let up just slightly

And you thought you saw a bit of sun – not fully emerging from behind the clouds, but wanting to

I can’t promise there will be a rainbow after this

I can’t promise fields of flowers that will leave you breathless, in awe of nature’s resilience, and grateful for the rain

I can’t promise the rain will never return

It most likely will

But I hope it never returns with such force

And I hope you know you are strong enough to survive again if it does

This morning, I looked outside and saw a sapling

One tiny stem daring to emerge

Daring to face the world

I hope it thrives

ABOUT ANGIE: Angie has struggled with an eating disorder for most of her life. After being in treatment countless times over the last 20 years, she has often felt like recovery just isn't realistic for her. Almost 5 months ago, she made the decision to go back to treatment. She didn't expect to "recover" but hoped to medically stabilize enough to get back to the baseline of "struggling but in a somewhat manageable way". However, this time around, she had the best treatment team she's ever had in her life; they believed in her even when she didn't believe in herself, and they never gave up on her. Because of their faith in her, she decided to fully commit to getting better, even when it was excruciating, to see if it actually made a difference. She was terrified she wouldn't be able to cope with the distress, and for a while, things did get worse before they got better. She became increasingly depressed and questioned whether pursuing recovery was even worth it. But every day, her treatment team assured her that things would get better, that they were proud of her, and that she wouldn't have to face things alone. She doesn't know exactly when things started to improve, and she's definitely still in the early stages of recovery, but she feels like she made it through the worst of the storm. She's hopeful about recovery for the first time in her life, she's grateful to be alive, but more than anything, she's so thankful for the treatment team who saved her life through their continued support. She hopes this poem conveys the reality of battling mental illness, but also the hope that maybe things will actually be okay.

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