Featured Poet - Tinamarie Cox

THE BEGINNING OF AN ENDING

The sun has risen in gray

and it hangs over my head

like a heavy metallic ball about to

drop, and

signify some sort of ending or

ring in something new but

I’m deeply lacking

excitement and anticipation

because

it seems as though

there might be something terribly wrong here.

THE EXHAUSTING EFFORT OF TRYING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER 

(While Pretending Everything is Fine)

I patch myself up again in preparation for a new day,

match up the colors of thread the best I can, and

put on the coordinating mask for the occasion.

I’ve sewn up the holes,

the ones that still ache, still leak,

and I hope the stitches are tight enough

otherwise, they won’t hold for long.

I’m afraid I will tear and split open once more.

And while I’m in the sunlight, smiling and

playing along in costume,

dancing to the melodies of the everyday,

I’m distracted in a silent prayer

for my sutures to stay strong,

so no one will notice

how close I am to ripping at the seams and

falling apart with

all my broken insides, shameful and ugly,

splattering to the ground at my tired feet for all to see.

DO YOU HEAR THE SILENCE?

I am so quiet I make a sound.

But only a few are attuned to the frequency.

And only a fraction of them will listen.

Fewer still, will answer the call of the silent alarm.



AT THE EDGE OF THE SEA

The tide comes in

and I hold out my empty hands,

nothing left to give.

The waves have washed away my sandcastles.

Soaked me to the bone.

Swallowed my tears.

The current stole the grains of my hours.

I want them back.

I stand alone at the edge of the sea

looking out at its pseudo-infinity.

The water calls to me.

Even in my dreams.

I’m drowning everywhere.

I chose to swim.

But I keep thinking about how much

I want to close my eyes

and let the tide pull me back in,

have all of me.



IN HINDSIGHT

Looking back on my inked pages,

the words I read are heavy.

I struggle to raise my eyes up,

keep them dry, and away from the paper.

I can feel the darkness of the girl who wrote them.

I wish I could touch her more tangibly,

turn back the hours on our clock and hold her,

and show her how far she’ll go

if only she hangs on.

ABOUT THE POEMS: "These poems are taken from 'Through a Sea Laced with Midnight Hues', which follows the emotional rollercoaster of a depressive episode. The book is divided into three parts: Falling into the Sea, Sinking Deeper into Midnight, and, Swimming Against the Current. The first section’s poems dive into that feeling of slipping into sadness and numbness. As the depressive episode sets in, life seems to lose its color and something deep inside just feels “off.” Sinking deeper, the feelings only worsen when I try to hide that something-isn’t-quite-right-with-me sensation and put on a brave smile to get through the day. But underneath the surface, I feel it could all fall apart at any moment. Even though the sadness is masked, simultaneously, I wish someone would see past the curtain to comfort me. This collection is a documentary from start to finish. Beginning with standing on the edge of that depressive episode and giving in; falling into the darkness that calls my name. The final poems in the book are a realization that somehow I found my way out despite reaching a point where time felt infinite and meaningless. And once the heavy fog cleared, in hindsight, I am amazed I made it. I question how I made it. After every depressive episode, I want to take that hope with me for the next time I start to feel like I’m sinking. I tried to choose several poems that I could weave together into a smaller journey and reflect the bigger picture within 'Through a Sea Laced with Midnight Hues'.. My goal is to spread more awareness about mental illness and shine a light for those who feel like they’re drowning in their midnight sea."