THE TWELVE STEPS TO FREEDOM

By John Marley

Our hearts have known the true meaning of pain.

Our bodies have been battered and bruised.

Our minds have been tortured again and again

by the alcohol and drugs we have abused.

Our loved ones, family, and friends,

we have hurt them one by one.

We have lied, cheated and stolen,

just some of the crazy things we have done.

Rehabs and penitentiaries

are some of the places we have been,

only to get back out

and do it all over again.

Our lives as addicts have been difficult

because of mistakes that we have made.

Unhappiness, sickness, heartache, and death

are some of the prices we have paid.

Why are we the way we are?

Why do we all do it?

Other people do not understand

because they have never once been through it.

It is time we all made changes.

We must find a better way.

We must live our lives and stop killing ourselves.

What more is there to say?

We must recognize our powerlessness

and admit all the crazy things we have done.

We see that in our Basic Text.

It clearly says it in Step One.

We are taught that a Higher Power will restore our lives,

and trusting in the Power is what we should do.

And we know that this suggestion is true

because it teaches us that in Step Two.

We must open our eyes for once in our lives

so we can finally see.

Against all odds, we must give it to God.

We learn this in Step Three.

We must open our hearts and search our souls.

This is an important part of the story.

It says it plainly in Step Four,

when we take our moral inventories.

We must admit the things that we have done wrong

and the way we have lived our lives.

And when that task is done,

we have fully completed Step Five.

We must be ready to fully surrender

and ask God to make us new women and men.

It says it in Step Six.

And it says it in Step Seven again.

We must identify the amends

we should make for all our sins.

They say it is never too late.

This is what we learned

when we completely explored Step Eight.

Then we are called to take action.

We must actually take the time.

We must repair the wrongs we did to others,

without further injury.

We learn this in Step Nine.

The Tenth Step goes hand in hand

with what we learned in Step Four.

We took our moral inventories.

This step says do it some more.

Then we are told to meditate and pray

so that we may receive God's will.

And when we do what is asked of us,

Step Eleven will be fulfilled.

Last but not least,

we learn Step Twelve.

It says we must take our knowledge

and give it back.

And we must practice

the spiritual principles we have learned,

so our lives will stay on track.

So, the moral of this story is:

do not worry about tomorrow.

And do not live in thoughts of yesterday.

These things we must do,

we must do…

JUST FOR TODAY.

ABOUT JOHN: John is a writer from Columbus, Ohio, whose work explores addiction, recovery, resilience, human behavior, and the difficult process of rebuilding a life. He is currently studying psychology and draws on personal experience to write with honesty and compassion for people whose struggles are often misunderstood by others in society.



DEAR BPD

By Ava Rae 

Dear Bpd,

I hate having an empty feeling in my heart

Only feeling fulfilled when I can love another to the extreme.

I hate obsessing over one person

Until nothing means anything, unless they are involved

So consumed by the shallow shell of a lover.

I fixate on them and their schedule and their needs and wants and how my flesh or my consciousness or anything that belongs to me, can benefit them.

I hate the feeling of depriving myself of happiness 

But I love my freewill more,

So the cycle continues until I am numb

Because numbness is my version of bliss.

No pain and heavy aching

Where I wish death upon myself,

Simply pure joyful content.

That's why I love hard

Then eventually love even harder

Loving so hard to where it all turns to hate. 

I fall to pieces 

Because why must I put so much in

And get absolutely nothing back?

Why does it feel as if I'm sinking all of the time? 

Never being reciprocated where my mind needs it most.

So I turn cold, I freeze into ice

This time I do not build the boat, I let you drown

This time I laugh as you suffocate begging for air. 

So once again

I end up alone by my own doing.

I love being alone, Until I hate it.

Days feel depressing 

Life feels fleeting

Months go by

And I sit and stare at my ceiling wondering 

About the law of averages

About God's connection to science 

About memories that feel so distant 

About every stupid mistake ive made

And how I wish I could only go back 

Because I've forgotten the other side.

I forget the boat you refused to help me build

I only remember my laughs as you drowned. 

In these moments im not scared of death, only myself 

In these moments I may as well turn myself in as a murderer 

Or as a thief stealing my own right to a future 

For stealing our life together,

But you must go.

For if I don't slay the dragon,

The princess will die.

ABOUT AVA: Ava began writing poetry at the age of thirteen. Every day during lunch, she would retreat to the library, sit by herself, and just write. Not long after, Ava was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. As she grew older, her journey with mental health continued, and she was later diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD). She struggled immensely throughout her teenage years and continues to navigate her mental health today. Through these experiences, she's discovered that channeling her emotions into poetry became one of her favorite forms of self expression and self improvement. She recently published her first poetry collection, When Mother Met Father. Which explores her personal journey through mental health, religion, identity, and the complexities of growing up.

THE EMOTIONAL DIVIDE

By Lisa Taylor

The difference between you and me?

I dared to dig deeper,

finding beauty others could not see.

That is called unconditional love something, thanks to you,

I am no longer worthy of.

Silently,

while drifting further apart,

My soul fractured and splintered

deep in my heart.

Yet, you didn't flinch,

you didn’t give a damn at all, just sat back and watched

as I began to stumble,

then fall.

You were the devil in waiting,

brilliantly disguised as my savior.

Teaching me to be a giver

in a world full of takers.

So please,

as a token of my appreciation,

Allow me to leave you

with this humbling realization:

Gone is my unwavering adoration.

Along with your penchant for the color blue.

Both lie buried in the wreckage of our story,

alongside the very best of you.

For time and again, I gave you my all,

in return,

you bestowed the suffering

responsible for this curtain call.

Fortunately for me,

surviving a sickness can be done.

Unfortunately for you,

that ugly heart will haunt you

for many years to come.

As the darkness inside me

begins to lift, then fade,

and the light radiating within me

outshines this shade,

I promise you will wish

you had me by your side.

No one is exempt from this hell

I have come to know so well ...

The emotional divide.